When Mommy is {at Home}

{This might be a controversial post but it has been pressing on my heart for quite a while now. I write this with a grace-tipped pen with hopes that it may strike a chord in someone’s heart, as well.}

 “I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty
but as a profession that demanded the best that I could bring to it.”
-Rose Kennedy

Slipping quietly into my truck before the household awoke, I double checked the address where I was a headed. It was early – 6 a.m.- and I was off to pick up a kijiji find in the town near by before my husband headed for work.

My treasure: a $5 bookshelf to hold some of my canning jars in the basement.

After a few wrong turns, I eventually found the address of choice … parking my truck in the small driveway, I greeted the owner of the bookshelf with a “Good morning” and “I hope I’m not too late…”

She was juggling a cute, sweet-faced baby (about one year old) on her hip and her car keys in the other hand. She was obviously going somewhere. I grabbed the bookshelf with her husband and we loaded it into the back of my truck. The little baby boy was already strapped into his carseat, playing with his mother’s car keys while I handed her the $5. The mom was friendly and explained she had all day and that she was no in a rush –  but that she was taking her young son to daycare so she could work around the house on her one day off.

Her words made my heart hurt!

Her one day off?
She was going to work around the home but her sweet, chubby little son was being sent to daycare. He was only a few months older than my youngest child and only son.

It was not even 7 a.m. and her little one was already in the car, ready to be taken away from his home – and from what is sounded like, perhaps this was not an only even as she mentioned it was her “day off”.

I desperately wanted to encourage this young mom, to tell her there options, a better way, a more natural choice … but I had just met her and she was obviously in a bit of a dash to get her day started.

What I am going to say is completely against what society teaches. It is not a popular thought. It may not even be politically correct. But it is Biblical.

Ladies, mothers, your children need you at home.


I know some women just do not  know any better … that they honestly do not  know the harm in it, and do not know there is an alternative. They actually do not know they CAN stay with their babies.

My sister runs a small-group Bible study in her home. Most of the ladies, who are Christians, who come to her group are first or second time mothers. My sister has told me that most, if not all, of these mothers are all returning to work after their maternity leave is up. This breaks my heart and I am sure it grieves the Lord! Where are the Titus 2 ladies who will stand up and teach these Christian younger women the value of being at home with your children? Why is the church not teaching women to be keepers of their home? How can these young mothers miss seeing the value in raising their children full time?

 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine.
They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands,
that the word of God may not be reviled.

Titus 2:3-5

Sacrifices must often be made in order for a mother to be home full time with her family. It is possible. It may not be comfortable, but it is likely possible.  Giving up a cell phone is a start.  What about cutting back on eating out? Bake more, cook more wholesome foods at home. You will save money in the long run. You will save on daycare costs – in Toronto, this article states the cost of daycare for an infant is $1,736.  You will save on the cost of gas for your vehicle, the costs of clothing as, when working, you must keep your wardrobe at a certain styleish level. Fancy vacations also can be omitted – a simple camping trip on the weekend or summer week would certainly bring just as much joy to your children as an international trip if money is tight.

No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and DESPISE the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. Matt. 6:24

Mothering is a full time God-given job.

There also is a bond between a mother and her children that needs nurturing, not ignoring.

Dropping your children off at daycare, leaving them all day or even half day, is contrary to what your children actually need from you.   Your children need a mother who is home with them, a mother who is available, around, caring for them, teaching them, training them, even from a young age up until an older age.  This is not to say you dote on them and spend your entire motherhood years slicing apples and cheese, dishing our crackers and snacks to your hungry crew upon demand.

However, your daily life needs to includes your children.  Instead of using a paid daycare provider so you can get work done, try including your children, allowing them to help you, or at least stay near you while you work on your projects. I have painted many a bedroom while my children played in the same room. It is not impossible to get work done when children are in your care. Involve them, keep them near to you, watch over them – but you can still get your work done.

When your project is done, stop and take time to be with your children. Read them stories, play games, go on walks, lay in the hammock, bake cookies, teach them nursery rhymes. Everything in moderation, as they say. Older children need just as much from their mother, if not more. They need the comfort of time, a listening ear, an available shoulder to cry on, a teacher and a friend, an instructor and a guide. A mother’s job is endless! How can we think daycare can offer the same valuable training and love to our own children?

Children need to know their parents are near. They need to feel a security in their homes, not dragged to an institution for 8 or more hours a day. It does not matter how loving and kind your daycare worker is – nothing can replace the love from a mother or father. God has entrusted these precious children to you to raise – make time in your life to BE a parent, not just on weekends or when it is convenient for you. Childhood is also fleeting and before you know it, your child will be grown.

And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

That sounds like a full time job to me.

Mothers, do not let a stranger raise your child. Come back home to your family. Trust God to take care of you financially and you will see Him provide.

Your role as a mother is invaluable. If you are concerned  about your career of choice, just remember you are most definitely replaceable in the work force. There is always someone better, more current, faster, more talented, more able than yourself.

But in the home, in the eyes of your child and God, you are irreplaceable.

Linked up with Strangers & Pilgrims

August 2, 2016 - 8:34 pm

admin Thank you, Sheila. It is always so wonderful to hear from a Titus 2 woman. Blessings!

August 2, 2016 - 8:33 pm

admin So sad! Heart breaking!

August 2, 2016 - 8:33 pm

admin Thank you for your comment – I agree, we never know where someone is coming from.

August 2, 2016 - 8:33 pm

admin Thank you for your sweet words, Jen. I, too, feel like we would be good friends. 🙂 Thank you for always dropping by with an encouraging word!

July 31, 2016 - 12:49 pm

Sheila Young ladies, I am a Titus mother and grandma who had my girls with me even during college. They love and honor their parents with their own families. Also it is the mandate for men to provide in the Bible despite their level of earnings. God made them better able to tolerate and and assert themselves in the stresses of the working world. Moms and wives, follow Biblical commands and Proverbs 3:2 sets out the blessings that will follow. Trust in the Lord and you will enjoy peace of mind.
I had no teachers in the 70s and 80s either but followed my mother’s example. I regret that I did not live near her at the time. The TV prophets were promoting an entirely godless monetary and egotistical agenda. With His help I was able to endure. Dear ladies, I will pray for you. Grandma, S

July 31, 2016 - 2:34 am

Bethany The fact that some of us even have a choice to stay at home marks us as children of rare socio-economic privilege, even if our choice is financially costly.

The most recent census data shows almost 8 million families living below poverty level in the U.S., a number that is on the rise. This means that for at least ten percent of the population, asking mothers to opt out of the workforce is out of the question.

When Christian subculture exalts a family model that is inaccessible to the underprivileged, we add to their burdens.

July 27, 2016 - 3:45 pm

Jaclyn from NYC I am happy to read your post. It broke my heart to read the story of that mother dropping her little child at a daycare. I am a stay-at-home mother here in NYC. I never even considered going back to work after my first baby arrived! I now have two children and ten years have passed and I never ever regretted staying home with my children. It’s not easy, but it is so important! The only thing they need is a loving mother to always be there. (And daddy too, when he’s not at work)

July 27, 2016 - 12:43 pm

Liz bronsveld Oh how true these words are Gillian! I have a lot of friends who do the same…or they are on mat leave for their second and still send their 1st to daycare:(

July 24, 2016 - 4:54 pm

Jennifer Heemskerk I simple love this post!! I often come here, and wish I “knew” you in person, face to face to glean from you more as a friend and fellow mother. It is beautifully written, and it’s message so important. I have prayed for a mentor for years- someone who like a Titus 2 woman to come into my life and speak truth into my heart. For some of us, we were never taught or had it modelled to us how be mothers. It doesn’t come naturally and it’s a real fight sometimes. It isn’t that we don’t love our children and want to raise them well.
As Sarah Mae states: “We were never given what it takes to set the table, and so here you are trying to serve, but you’re still figuring out what linens to get and where to find them.”
So we often feel like we are failing at motherhood. Thank you for this post and being a great example of a mother who serves and has sacrificed in these ways. It is so nice to see this working well as society tells us that this is an impossible choice.

July 24, 2016 - 4:34 am

Sarah @ The Life of This Mother Yes and yes and yes. I love your heart and share your desire to encourage mothers to stay home {and have their kids home too}. Pinning so others can kind this!

July 23, 2016 - 6:33 pm

Danessa Stride I could not have said it better myself!!

July 23, 2016 - 12:23 pm

Liz Great post! This is something I often think about and feel as if I’m caught between two worlds. We do something similar in our house however my hubby is staying at home while I work. It works for us due to my income versus his income and medical benefits. We save on money by only having one vehicle, our phone is an ‘old’ flip phone its only purpose for roadside emergencies and we haven’t been on an airplane in 10 years often going camping instead. I leave for work each day knowing my kids are going to have one on one attention and lots of love. Besides being a Mom, I’m also a Kindergarten teacher. At the end of the day, I sit at my desk and wonder if I’ve talked to every child that day, if I’ve spent enough time with every child and hope that during the busy day I’ve done them justice. I wonder “how am I better than their own Mother?”. In some cases I’m not however a child coming from a neglectful, abusive home, I am. I see the importance of being a good Mom however I also see the importance of education. It’s a struggle in my mind. I often think of the statement, “it takes a village” and I wonder if this is how God intended us to live. Are we this way because we need to move away from our families for job opportunities and therefore are losing out on grandparent/aunt/uncle support? I don’t have all the answers but I’m thankful you posted about this…how can we encourage society to go back to the ‘way it was’? Does our government need to provide longer mat leaves, more income for families, more supports? I don’t know. I’m certainly grateful we are the United States with only a 6 week mat leave.

July 23, 2016 - 9:23 am

Sandra Hi Gigi,

I am an avid blog reader of yours for some time now and enjoy reading about your daily life with your kiddos. I also subscribe to many of your values in raising children. I too have stayed home with my kiddos, knowing it was what God wanted of me and that early learning and bonding is top priority. It is with this in mind that I would like to gently make a suggestion to you. Your post about staying at home is most definitely needed and on point. What I would like to suggest though, is that to do it in an even more grace filled sentiment, perhaps discuss it without directly pointing out a specific Mom’s moment of missing the mark. I can’t help but feel that a judgement call has been made upon this girl without truly knowing her circumstances. Perhaps she is struggling with postpartum depression and this one “day off” per week or otherwise (and we all know it’s not really a day off) is what it takes to keep her going right now. I know that over the last several weeks, I’ve needed to be with my Dad as he has had surgery and he needs a significant amount of my help. I am blessed in that my boys are now teens which means they are a bit more self-sufficient, however if it had happened when my boys were little, I too would have needed extra help. We just don’t know her situation. I know that personally, if I had come across this blog post during this time of care needed for my Dad and realized that you used me as an example in a post, I would be heartbroken and feel greatly misunderstood. I fear that she might see this post and feel the same. Again, I completely agree that encouragement for life at home is hugely needed and something that isn’t a popular sentiment anymore. We DO need to make ‘staying at home’ a viable and hugely important message for women. My only suggestion is that it’s done without directly bringing to light each other’s faults…Perhaps befriend this girl, and encourage her and definitely write this much needed post without including her in it. I hope I too have passed along this message gracefully and that you read it with an open heart. Let’s build up each woman in Christ. Sincerely, Sandra

July 22, 2016 - 8:16 pm

Reena I agree with you 100%. You wrote this in a kind loving earnest way and I pray it touches many mothers whether at home, as encouragement to continue on, or whether at a crossroads or time of questioning to take that step in faith. He will always provide.