Mission of Motherhood

“Sometimes I feel like if you just watch things, just sit still and let the world exist in front of you –
sometimes I swear that just for a second time freezes and the world pauses in its tilt.
Just for a second. And if you somehow found a way to live in that second,
then you would live forever.”

 

It wasn’t long ago – or rather, it doesn’t seem like so much precious time has passed – when my 10 year old {sweet} daughter was a pint-sized toddler, discovering the world, learning to talk and explore, learning to become a big sister to Lyla … As a first time mom, I did not realize how time would slip through my fingers like smooth sand … just whisping away day by day … I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mother to my daughter and the baby on the way, and so I quit my journalism job and started my photography business.
It wasn’t long before the photography took off – and fast … I love photography, I loved meeting all the precious families that came through for photos … I loved capturing their family’s memories and freezing time for them … but it soon, the photography business was taking up too much time from my *own* family … isn’t is strange how that works? I was working {at home} to be a stay at home mom, but in the end, my business, which was successful and exciting and something I truly enjoyed, grew so well that I had little time for my own children.
I never neglected them, I truly tried my best to be both – photographer and mother – and then a homeschooling mom, at the same time – they were mostly only babysat by their gramma and only for a few hours at a time … but I knew something was amiss.
When I was walking out the door to go to my shoot as my husband was walking in the door and I’d be passing him the baby and waving good-bye to the girls,
that signaled to me that something was wrong. I loved working my business  – photography is a passion of mine … it was hard to stop and look at the situation from a different perspective … but …

I had children to be a mommy.
I married my husband to be a wife.
I had a home to run.

I had moments to stop for a while and capture in my own life – it was all going by too fast.

At some point in my ongoing motherhood journey, the Lord sent a very valuable mentor into my life {a Titus 2 woman} … with a Biblical point of view, she showed me how I could be doing more for my family, that I should be doing more … that, while it is okay to have a job, it is never okay to have it be a bigger part of your life than your family.  I thank God every day for showing me what I was missing, what I was losing out … we can even be stay at home moms and *still* be missing out on the amazing calling of motherhood – it was are too busy or distracted with other commitments, it’s easy to lose focus of the mission of motherhood.

 

 

 

 

Compared to full time job, perhaps my photography business didn’t seem as time consuming – but the late nights of holding a baby and proofing at the same time, the running out the door and trying to figure out babysitters last minute for session …

 

 

 

 

it all just did not seem worth what I was losing out on – evenings with my children, moments with their daddy as he came home from work, carefree nights in the summer … just pure, old’ fashioned family time.
It was also a sacrifice to give up the money I was earning –  I mean, let’s face it. We {think} we can all use a little bit extra finances … especially with a growing family. We are now a single income family and that truly has changed how we live or spend our money.  [I’m grateful and blessed to have a husband who did not even think twice about me staying home full time … ]

 

But I would not trade this calling as a mother for all the photography fame in the world … for a bigger bank account  … or for a growing, successful business … I didn’t want to just survive my time as a mother (especially those younger years), I want to enjoy it and love and capture it in my memory … I want to make memories and freeze time and teach and train my children … to love my husband and be home when he is home … to be available to the my daughters  in the evening hours, not just the daytime … to realize the call of motherhood …

 

 

{Leia’s face as daddy pulled up the driveway … may I be honest and say I’m so grateful to have evenings where I no longer have to rush out the door and miss these moments…}

 

Let us not be so caught up in things outside the home, job, volunteer hours, successes, pay cheques, status and success … that we miss out on the mission of motherhood.
The years here at home with children are fleeting – I want to be intentional and there, fully there.