Today was a roller coaster of emotions, to say the least.
From celebrating my 8 year anniversary with my hubs, Abby, to joining my family in honoring my father-in-law with a well-deserved award from the Town of Orangeville … to spending the entire morning of my day worrying that there was something wrong with my baby …

Long story short …  by noon today, I realized I hadn’t felt my baby move for nearly half of the day … which is very unlike this baby. It’s such a wiggly-kicking-hiccupy-kinda baby so far. In hopes of making the baby wake up, I ate a chocolate bar to see if the lovely sugar high would wake up little peanut and make him/her roll around. I sat in the parking lot of the grocery store and waited. I waited and waited to feel movement … but nothing.  And not to sound paranoid, but this baby hasn’t STOPPED moving since I could first feel and see movement very early in my pregnancy (around 14 weeks). So to sit there in the dead silence of my car, quietly, rubbing my belly, poking at the baby and trying to get the baby to move around or kick or do anything … seriously … it felt like my heart could explode with grief. I called my husband and had him meet me at his work, we waited a little while longer (still no movements from the baby) and then went up to the hospital to see … dare I say it … if we could hear a heart beat.
Walking down that long corridor to the delivery unit of the hospital, rubbing my belly and feeling a huge, unexplainable emptiness in my soul, I honestly couldn’t hold back the tears. The nurses greeted me with a serious look on their faces …

“I guess you’re a bit nervous right now,” one nurse said, as she led me to an empty hospital room.
Yes, that was an understatement of the decade.

I’m not a natural ‘worry-wart’ but in this situation, I was worrying. We whispered prayers of safety for the baby and held our breath as the nurse hooked me up to the monitors while I lay on the hospital bed. Still, during all of this, no movement.

And then,  we waited. And there it was … the heart beat … the sweet, sweet sound of the rhythmic heartbeat of our baby.

Our baby was okay.

A *huge* wave of relief washed over me … everything was okay. Everything was fine. But it felt so close to things NOT being okay … I have never felt that before. The empty feeling, the fear, the unknown … but everything was okay … and I didn’t need to worry anymore. This day could’ve ended so differently.

I’m so incredibly grateful and relived that everything is okay … God is good and faithful …

…and I cannot wait for this baby to arrive – healthy and safe.

37 weeks tomorrow!

On the lighter side of my day, the cupcake fairy dropped off some yummy treats for my family today – wow!!!!! I gotta say, Tabitha Irwin of Yum Yum Cakes is pretty sweet and you definitely cheered me up! I had just returned home from the hospital to open my door to see these yummy treats and her smiling face …

Thank you, Tabi! You are awesome!

And what goes better with a scrumptious, fluffy cupcake than an amazing cup of coffee?

I’ve been dying to share this recipe on the blog. Ohhh, man, it’s sooo delicious! Last week, I was able to treat myself to a Pumpkin Spice Latte at a local coffee shop and fell. IN. LOVE. SCRUMPTIOUS!

But alas, I am home most days and do not venture out much, nor do I want to spend a small fortune on a speciality coffee … so I figured out how to make it at home.

Do you want to know how?!
I bet you do! 😉

It’s super simple. Here’s the recipe.
1) Make syrup – equal parts water with equal parts sugar – boil on the stove, stirring lots until all the sugar is dissolved.

2. Add in some pumpkin spices … almost whatever you want, according to your tastes. I added nutmeg, a bit of cinnamon & pumpkin pie spice – about a teaspoon of each.

3. Then I stirred (still on the stove) for a few minutes.

4. Strained the syrup through cheesecloth into a measuring cup to get out all the flakey bits from the spices.

5. Then, added some vanilla extract (again, about a teaspon or a bit more), stirred some more and poured into the glass containers.

6. Add a bit to your coffee and then steam some milk or whip some cream and reward yourself with a big topping of this delicious goodness.

7. Dust with the fluffy topping with cinnamon or nutmeg.

And there you have it – the most delicious fall treat for a cozy afternoon at home … (store in the fridge until you need it next) ….

Sit back, relax, and enjoy how beautiful life can truly be … I am so thankful for the beauty in today.

October 1, 2010 - 5:34 pm

Deborah I’m soooo thankful to read that you heard a heartbeat! I was near tears reading your emotions, and can only imagine the grief you felt.

Thank you for posting on how to make your own pumpkin spice latte. I can’t wait to try this!! I LOVE psl’s!!


September 29, 2010 - 11:24 pm

janet OMG Gillian i’m so thankful that everything is okay with your baby. Unfortunately i know all too well that awful feeling of something being wrong with your baby. Reading your blog brought tears to my eyes. I could completely relate to your fears. Thank you Lord for taking good care of Gillian and her beautiful unborn baby (i’m guessing BOY)

September 29, 2010 - 10:23 am

Cathy Bray I am so glad you and baby are ok! Being pregnant can be so scary sometimes. I will be trying your new recipe today!

September 29, 2010 - 9:58 am

Mich Gillian, reading this post I could just feel how scared you must have been. I am so thankful to God that everything is o.k. Take it easy and spend lots of time enjoying these last days of your pregnancy. We all love you and can’t wait to meet your precious baby! Hugs xo

September 29, 2010 - 9:41 am

Lori S I’ve been through that devastation.. no one should ever have to go through that! I couldn’t read the whole blog, I just skimmed down until I was able to rest my eyes on “Our Baby was OK”. Praying that you have another few weeks of bliss with this pregnancy before you get to see the little darling!

September 29, 2010 - 8:56 am

Sherry glad to read that you and baby are OK. There is no worse feeling in the world than when you are afraid for your child’s life! Here’s an Irish blesssing: Dearest Father in Heaven,
Bless this child and bless this day
Of new beginnings.
Smile upon this child
And surround this child, Lord,
With the soft mantle of your love.
Teach this child to follow in your footsteps,
And to live life in the ways of
Love, faith, hope and charity.
thinking of you Gillian!

September 29, 2010 - 8:43 am

Petra Gillian,
I was holding my breath as I read your post. I had several similar scares…when Ava was in my womb there were nights where she didn’t move at all. I used to shine the light of my phone on my bump & then she responded enthusiastically…such a relief! I’m so excited to find out if you have a fourth girl, what you call your baby…I thought of you on Sunday when I indulged in a gingerbread spice latte! Guess who’s already in the festive spirit! Lots of luck & fistfuls of fairy dust for the weeks leading up to the birth of your baby.

September 29, 2010 - 7:31 am

Sherri Hugs & lots of love to you and Abby. I’m extremely relieved for you that it turned out well. You might REALLY want to consider stopping shoots now though. Baby is very important. We all worry for you and your wee one. Hold on, not much longer now. Everyone you know is praying for you. <3

September 29, 2010 - 7:11 am

Carry So glad to hear that things ended well, hope the rest of this pregnancy is filled with only the sweetest and most relaxing moments, you deserve it!

September 28, 2010 - 11:11 pm

Holly awww sweetie, that must have been so scary…I remember when zac did that to me a few times as I got nearer to 40 weeks. They grow the most in the last few weeks and start to have longer quiet times and less room to move. But for sure, always go make sure! It never hurts to check on baby 🙂 Just an FYI, if you want to get baby movin’ drink a big glass of orange juice, sit still for half an hour and see what happens. Praying for you, have a very sweet anniversary and rest up for baby!

September 28, 2010 - 10:57 pm

Amber I am so glad to hear that your day ended well! Reading through your day had me on the brink of tears for you.

September 28, 2010 - 10:54 pm

Jennifer Heemskerk Good for you for going to the hospital! This was the exact situation I had with Evelyn and I ended having an emergency C-section after being hooked up to the monitors. She still had a heartbeat but wasn’t moving because she was dying inside me and it was time for her to come out. If I had waited…I can’t even imagine. Trust your motherly instinct even if you feel foolish at the time. From our experience, I now tell my friends who are expecting to “Go” to the hospital as soon as they feel like something isn’t right. You did good! Glad to hear that everything was okay with baby Gigi!;-) Can’t wait to hear the exciting news in a few weeks time.

September 28, 2010 - 10:51 pm

Jo Smith Gillian – massively relieved and hugely praising Jesus for you guys! Your precious darling is safe and sound, cozy in your belly 🙂 Maybe your little peanut all of a sudden put on some chub and now has less room to move 😉 ! We’re all praying for you that everything from here on in is a breeze <3
You're all safe in the palm of His hand….what a relief 🙂
Jo, Steve, Haley, Madison, Zoe and River Smith

September 28, 2010 - 10:32 pm

pammelah Gillian. tears of relief for you and Abby. happy anniversary, and hopefully baby is just getting too squished for much movement.. or could be the tell tale “calm b4 the storm”. I was always mood swingy the day b4 I went into labor and the babies were very quiet.hmmmmm. let me know if you need help!

September 28, 2010 - 10:32 pm

Tara Gillian,
I cannot imagine how you were feeling today but so glad to hear all is well. That little heartbeat must have sounded like a thousand drums to you and Abby.
Thank you for the recipe, it is definitely worth a try ..yummo
and happy anniversary, you’ve accomplished so much in 8 years!

September 28, 2010 - 10:19 pm

Brenda (Gillian’s Mom) I can imagine the sick feeling you had!! I am so thankful to God that it turned out ok! Wow, that would have been so awful … can’t bear to even think it. The cupcake is absolutely BEAUTIFUL and the pumpkin spice latte looks scrumptious! I just bought one tonight at Starbucks…tomorrow you can make me one! 😀 And thanks for the lovely recipe … you Martha Stewart you!! xo

September 28, 2010 - 10:10 pm

Tabitha *HUGS* Oh Gillian – I had no idea you had such a rough morning!!! I am so thankful everything is ok for you and Baby G!! I experienced something similar with Eachann both while pregnant, than during labour – scariest feeling in the world. I am glad this day has ended well for you, Abby & family. Hope you got to enjoy your anniversary to the fullest. And….love the cupcake photos – teehee! And thanks for sharin that recipe – DELISH!!!

September 28, 2010 - 10:10 pm

Jennifer G I’m so glad to hear everything is fine!

September 28, 2010 - 10:03 pm

Jen Gillian, what a scare! I’m so happy to hear that everything is okay!